Slipping
by Allieapplesauce
Summary: A Mulder/Scully one shot. Pure angst.


Slipping

It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Each time there was a close

call, I sighed in relief that it wasn't our time. And although each

time I kept thinking, 'this could have been the last' or 'there will

be a last' I never fully expected it to happen. But it has. And now

what am I to do?

It wasn't even my death and yet I saw my life flashing before my

eyes. It seemed like the minutes had turned into hours, but yet

there was nothing I could do. In the end it was only a couple

seconds and there wasn't even enough time to react to the gun fire.

All I heard were the shots and the cries of all the children who had

to be witness to such an awful crime.

So I ran. I ran and I ran and I ran for what seemed like forever, and

what I saw before me was not what I had expected, for the gun had

turned on me. Not literally, but it might as well had. What I

expected was to see the gunmen down in a pool of his own blood,

but instead I found the gunman down in a pool of blood that

belonged to my partner.

I rushed over and had a vague sense of seeing myself running and

falling further and further away. The gunman got up and ran as

soon as he saw me, and I stopped in one fluid motion, raised my

weapon and fired one clean shot to the back of his head.

I'm an FBI Agent, and although I am not James Bond with a

license to kill, I felt that it was my duty to honor Mulder in a way

that was proper. But my mind was in turmoil, so I doubt I was

thinking clearly. It's too late now, anyway.

Too late now for any of us. The gunman is dead; so is Mulder, and

there is nothing that I can do to save him. I have failed my duties

as a work partner, and as a friend. There is shame where there

should be none, but it is there all the same.

Then I lose my grip on reality.

I never thought that losing Mulder would be so hard. Although I

would not hesitate to lay my life on the line to save his own, I

always had the greedy idea that I would be dead before him,

spearing me this pain and guilt. It's not fair. Either way, I've been

fated to spend my life alone. Whether through my death or

Mulder's, I can not have him.

I sit outside on the porch steps because I can not bear to see one

more sympathizing face stare at me during the reception. Is it

sympathy or is it hatred?

Rule number one: Always call for back up. You know that with me

and Mulder, we hardly ever go by the rules. And the one time that

we do-or that I do-someone who is not supposed to die, does!

Curse everyone. Those fluffy white clouds and that blue sky and

that sunshine and those flowers, and that bird, and that ant

crawling over my sandles that I could care less about. There should

be no clouds, no sky, no sun, no flowers, birds, or insects.

Everything has turned black and dead and shriveled.

Can you believe I cared this much? That it could hurt so much?

Not anything in my life has hurt so much. My heart and lungs and

stomach hurt so much that I can't stand it! If I could rip my organs

out I would, but I can't because I'm a scientist and a doctor and I

know that I can't. And maybe if I weren't a scientist or a doctor, I

wouldn't know any better and I might be able to rip these parts out

and give them to Mulder so he could live again.

If I could smash the world I would, with ever one in it, including

me. I would do something about the way I am if I only believed

that me and Mulder would be together in the afterlife, but I don't

believe it so there's nothing I can do to take away this anger and

hurt inside.

I just can't stand it any longer. How did I not know this would hurt

so much? I jerk off the steps and the screen door slams behind me

because I don't care how much noise it makes.

In the dirt lays something gold and glittering. What's a cross to

wear as a sign of faith for God and his love when there obviously

is none? I have all the proof I need, right here. This hurt is proof

enough.

I don't know what got into this fic, but seriously its kinda scary! I

just wanted to write something really strong (hopefully). Reading

angsty, character death fan fic can kind of do that to you at one in

the morning! So send me some feeeeeeeddddbbbaaacccckkkkk

please!


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